You think that there’s a good chance that your spouse is being unfaithful – their behavior is erratic, he/she has odd mood swings, keeps things secret, finds a litany of reasons to be apart, comes and goes abruptly, seems detached etc. While these all may be signs of a cheater, at this point they are merely reasons to be suspicious, not concrete proof. So it’s important to treat them as such and proceed with calculated caution before confronting your husband/wife.
- Have a well defined plan – The thought of infidelity will undoubtedly make you emotional. You may feel betrayed and hurt by your partner’s indiscretion and inability to treat you with respect. However, while your emotions are at a tipping point, it’s important to act logically, using your head to guide you rather than your heart. Don’t act rashly and accuse your spouse based on suspicion alone. Your suspicions could prove false and your accusations could damage your relationship. Or if you don’t possess indisputable proof, your accusations could warn your spouse to be more careful in hiding their other relationship.
- Obtain evidence that proves infidelity – A cheater will deny at all costs, and may turn the angle of accusation on you. For this reason, finding hard indisputable proof is in one’s best interest. Cheaters are often good liars that cover their tracks well, and catching one in the act sounds easier in mind than it may be in reality. Consulting/hiring an investigator that specializes in infidelity cases and uses video surveillance could be an excellent step in finding the truth. A professional can gather evidence in a discreet manner that won’t arouse the suspicion of a cheater. Furthermore, this evidence will not allow a cheater to deny the truth.
- Determine if you want to work out the marriage – Does cheating create finality to one’s relationship? It may or it may not. It could be a mistake that the relationship can overcome and grow from depending on the circumstances and the value one puts on the relationship. Cheaters usually come in two forms – the compulsive cheater who you can no longer trust, or the underappreciated cheater who looks for love and affection elsewhere when it is lacking at home.
- Only now should you discuss the situation – Suspicion may lead you to look further into a situation. But before you allow your emotions to dictate your actions, investigate the situation ideally using a professional. If your suspicions are validated, only then confront your spouse with the proof and go from there.
If you suspect infidelity, take a step back before accusing your spouse. Don’t act on impulse and go yell and scream accusations; instead find out as much information as possible. Let your mind be your compass, and only when you have enough information will it be the right time to confront your spouse.