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Archive for Divorce

A somewhat common misconception is that children are better off, in the long-haul when their parents stay married or together. However, that concept may only apply to a happy healthy union.  Parents that stick together fighting through a bad marriage may do more harm than good and here’s a few reasons why:

  • Parents who are in constant conflict can create a negative atmosphere for their children. Rather than focusing on allowing their children to grow and feel safe at home, arguing parents can cause an air of tension to arise. While the cause of that negativity may not be fully understood by a child, the lingering gray cloud it manifests may make their home a place which he/she wishes to avoid, rather than the comforting landmark one hopes it to be.child-holding-leg
  • Poor Example: By maintaining a failing relationship parents could provide a bad example of the qualities one should attribute to marriage/ a relationship etc. This example could shape the habits and attributes which children seek out in their adult lives. By persisting in a negative situation instead of recognizing its faults and moving forward by moving on, parents could be attributing positive attributes to negative actions.
  • Speaking of attribution, children often find it difficult to see the world as unrelated to themselves. This egocentric scenario may lead a child to associate a parent’s bad mood as their fault. Furthermore if a parent seeks refuge, away from the home to avoid their spouse, a child may inadvertently think that he/she is the one being avoided.

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cheating-infidelityIt lasts until it runs out, Like a battery, a marriage can run low on  energy/power. While adultery is often viewed as the somewhat shocking (it happens more often than you would think) action that triggers a marriages collapse . There are other subtle situations that can be equally as divisive.

  • Stagnate – the juice can be drained from a relationship that falls into the crack of routine comfort. This often implies repeating activities that loose their luster and meaning overtime as individuals begin to take on a robotic existence. While routines are natural and somewhat efficient, they can drain one’s life of purpose as you push through the days rather than experience them.

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Among the numerous bumps in the road that create a relationship detour are differences of opinion regarding crucial issues such as finances, long-term goals (career, family,etc), sexual desire, interests/hobbies etc.). Lets discuss finances because for better or worse cash it is often the most common. Your initial thought may be that money doesn’t matter and that love reigns supreme. However, over the long haul the reality is that while many suggest money can’t buy love or happiness, it can create opportunity and on the reverse side of the scale limited funds correlate to a limited set of possibilities.

You and your spouse may start on level ground financially when your relationship began. However your professional trajectories will almost always inevitably change over the course of time, creating an imbalance financially. This situation could breed tension as one party might feel like a burden to the other or conversely that he/she is carrying too much of the load. The situation becomes more complex when living together because bills need to be paid therefore deciding whether they should be split equally or does one of you make significantly more than the other, should you each pay what you can, etc? How can you pay differing amounts and still retain equal footing?

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private-investigator-nj-bannerFrom the outside looking in hypothetically, a marriage is considered a life-long endeavor/commitment. The sad reality is that what intially was considered a long-term forever  situation often digresses to a temporary one. Some may consider divorce the result of a failed relationship. However, situations are often far more complex than we give them credit for.

A marriage could could disintegrate for any number of reasons. Like many grownup scenarios a significant cause and effect may correspond with the disconnect between perception of the hypothetical and the adjustment of the reality, In other words, the pie in the sky fairy-tale creates unrealistic expectations, that when left untempered become the breeding ground of disappointment If a couple believes they’re headed to one place and ends up in an entirely  different one, problems will arise.  Now there lies a middle ground or grey area. One anchored in the here and now. Because, when problems arise, if they’re not dealt with properly unhappiness follows. That unhappiness often instigated by a failure to communicate, leads individuals to seek escape via outside sources i.e. cheating and burning that bridge of trust is the pathway to divorce.

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